My Small Boy Angst
Jun. 4th, 2006 11:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
muck_a_luckI have been doing a little of the post-partum mood swing thing, and most of it seems to revolve around The Small Boy.
Let me take a moment to announce that as of now, The Small Boy shall be known in this journal as AG33. :D
This was the compromise name.
As we are calling The Tiniest Girl by the code name Little Sister, we could have just kept The Small Boy, but he desparately needs a promotion, becuase I have realized that he is not, in fact, small anymore. Tall Small Boy, per CJ's suggestion, had potential, but AG33 thought TKD Boy was better. I did not like TKD Boy. I also did not want to advocate Big Brother, because of obvious literary connections. I actually wanted to use Brother Bear, but AG33 said no to that flat out. He's probably right. Brother Bear is just too my-mommy's-got-postpartum-hormones-and-inflicted-me-with-this-stupid-nickname.
In any case, Husband has been referring to Little Sister as RSN44, her robot name. :D Small Boy suggested that would make him AG33. We both laughed, we liked it, and so AG33 it is!
Anyway, at about hour 6 of the hunger strike crisis, when I was also sleep deprived and very very worried about this tiny person who was totally dependent on me and I couldn't help - at about hour 6 of almost constant crying I was also having the terrible feeling that I was abandoning my baby. AG33 has been my baby for 8 years now. I came home from the hospital after 2 full days alone with Little Sister and I hardly recognized him anymore. He was suddenly not my little baby, but this tall, rangy, heavy BOY, with long legs and long arms and big hands and desperately in need of a haircut.
At hour six I felt like I had barely spoken to AG33 in days, that I was letting myself be stolen from him by this new baby and I was a traitor and a terrible mother you get the idea.
I think I am over the worst of that now. At least part of it was the stress of the constant crying and lack of sleep, but I have still been feeling it today, and have even cried a few tears over it when nobody was looking. It hasn't helped that AG33 was being somewhat sassy and provocative. He spent the last week with his grandparents. I think he was feeling cranky today after they left. Or it is possible that his broken schedule finally caught up with him, too. He's been keeping late hours and eating weird food and today with nobody to distract him but his boring parents he may have been a little out of sorts. So I spent a good part of the day scolding him and then I felt even more sad that here I was fighting with my baby who was not my baby anymore.
Well, now that I've got that little confession down in the journal, I have to say that AG33 is nothing but an absolutely adoring big brother so far. He is very interested in Little Sister and gives her sweet kisses whenever he walks by and he's pushed her around in her stroller and learned to make her into a baby burrito. He makes faces at her and coos over her cuteness. He is mastering the diaper genie and has been very helpful fetching bottles and running up and down stairs for me. Obviously, we're just a week into this whole thing, but the early signs are good. :)
Any person with any sense had to know that adding a new person to the family would change the relationships and dynamics. Especially since we haven't changed our family in 8 years. I'll be glad when the hormones settle down and I can be more reasonable about it all. And I keep reminding myself that the cat also looks HUGE now. Some of this is just an illusion.
Let me take a moment to announce that as of now, The Small Boy shall be known in this journal as AG33. :D
This was the compromise name.
As we are calling The Tiniest Girl by the code name Little Sister, we could have just kept The Small Boy, but he desparately needs a promotion, becuase I have realized that he is not, in fact, small anymore. Tall Small Boy, per CJ's suggestion, had potential, but AG33 thought TKD Boy was better. I did not like TKD Boy. I also did not want to advocate Big Brother, because of obvious literary connections. I actually wanted to use Brother Bear, but AG33 said no to that flat out. He's probably right. Brother Bear is just too my-mommy's-got-postpartum-hormones-and-inflicted-me-with-this-stupid-nickname.
In any case, Husband has been referring to Little Sister as RSN44, her robot name. :D Small Boy suggested that would make him AG33. We both laughed, we liked it, and so AG33 it is!
Anyway, at about hour 6 of the hunger strike crisis, when I was also sleep deprived and very very worried about this tiny person who was totally dependent on me and I couldn't help - at about hour 6 of almost constant crying I was also having the terrible feeling that I was abandoning my baby. AG33 has been my baby for 8 years now. I came home from the hospital after 2 full days alone with Little Sister and I hardly recognized him anymore. He was suddenly not my little baby, but this tall, rangy, heavy BOY, with long legs and long arms and big hands and desperately in need of a haircut.
At hour six I felt like I had barely spoken to AG33 in days, that I was letting myself be stolen from him by this new baby and I was a traitor and a terrible mother you get the idea.
I think I am over the worst of that now. At least part of it was the stress of the constant crying and lack of sleep, but I have still been feeling it today, and have even cried a few tears over it when nobody was looking. It hasn't helped that AG33 was being somewhat sassy and provocative. He spent the last week with his grandparents. I think he was feeling cranky today after they left. Or it is possible that his broken schedule finally caught up with him, too. He's been keeping late hours and eating weird food and today with nobody to distract him but his boring parents he may have been a little out of sorts. So I spent a good part of the day scolding him and then I felt even more sad that here I was fighting with my baby who was not my baby anymore.
Well, now that I've got that little confession down in the journal, I have to say that AG33 is nothing but an absolutely adoring big brother so far. He is very interested in Little Sister and gives her sweet kisses whenever he walks by and he's pushed her around in her stroller and learned to make her into a baby burrito. He makes faces at her and coos over her cuteness. He is mastering the diaper genie and has been very helpful fetching bottles and running up and down stairs for me. Obviously, we're just a week into this whole thing, but the early signs are good. :)
Any person with any sense had to know that adding a new person to the family would change the relationships and dynamics. Especially since we haven't changed our family in 8 years. I'll be glad when the hormones settle down and I can be more reasonable about it all. And I keep reminding myself that the cat also looks HUGE now. Some of this is just an illusion.
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no subject
Date: 2006-06-05 04:02 am (UTC)Hang in there!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-05 06:00 am (UTC)Brother Bear is just too my-mommy's-got-postpartum-hormones-and-inflicted-me-with-this-stupid-nickname.
I have to say I agree. :-) Do we get to learn the background behind RSN44 and AG33? I suppose you won't be doing double-takes at my references to SB any more. ;-)
And I am so entranced by the mental image of AG33 wrapping up the baby burrito. CUTENESS!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-05 12:39 pm (UTC)