Diplomacy

[muck_a_luck]

Azramoon41: if you were to write some rules or guidelines for being a diplomat, what would you write?
Azramoon41: top 5 things?
Baranduin72: Number 1: No matter what you want from the other person, the first thing you need to do is try to look at the situation from their perspective, then treat them as you would want to be treated under their circumstances. Even if you are trying to get them to do something they don't want to do. You have to start by trying to see and understand their perspective.
Baranduin72: Number 2: As much as possible, be honest, but tactful. Don't lie unless it is absolutely necessary. Obfuscate if necessary. Use half truths. But don't flat out lie.
Azramoon41: please describe obfuscate further
Baranduin72: Obfuscate - be confusing deliberately.
Baranduin72: :-)
Baranduin72: Number 3: Be trustworthy. Do what you say you will do.
Baranduin72: Number 4: Be flexible. Try to leave an out for compromise in a difficult negotiation. That way, you keep your own options open.
Baranduin72: Hmmm. What would number 5 be?
Azramoon41: if you need 6 or 7...
Baranduin72: Maybe don't make a big deal out of it, if it's not a big deal?
Azramoon41: don't feel stifled by 5 ;-)
Azramoon41: it's all good info by me
Baranduin72: No! :-P Those first 4 stand out for me as the best way to deal with people, but there are a lot of things that seem to meet the number 5 level.
Baranduin72: Don't blow things out of proportion. Don't take things personally.
Azramoon41: oh, easy to say ;-)
Azramoon41: don't take personally ;-)
Baranduin72: If it were easy, there would be a lot less pointless bickering, stupid arguing, hatred and war in the world.
Baranduin72: It's not easy.
Baranduin72: It is very difficult for people, especially Number 1.
Baranduin72: Well, eventually there are insults that are personal.
Baranduin72: And sometimes they need to be dealt with.
Baranduin72: But in my job, it is best to not take it personally.

UPDATE: Thinking about this more, I would like to add that I know you can't always be Ms. Nice Guy. Obviously, there are some people you figure out you can't treat nicely because you won't get anywere without playing rough. But you still follow Rule #1. Which does NOT mean that you react to a jackass by being a jackass in return (known as tit for tat), necessarily. You do what you need to do to get what you want at a cost acceptable to you. In order to get what you want, you deal with that person appropriately to their personality and situation. Which may mean that you aren't particularly nice. Or maybe you still would be. Tit for tat is only used to the extent that it gets you what you want.