How to address a woman

[muck_a_luck]

Here is my eternal conundrum.

I really dislike being addressed as Mrs. I mean, it's not like I get in people's face about it. In fact, I rarely mention it to anyone at all. But I sincerely, honestly hate it.

And this influences how I view client correspondence. Because I have a nearly physical reaction to addressing any client as Mrs.

Well, I take that back. A very old lady whose husband just died contacted us, and I felt that it was probably wrong to send her a letter addressed to Ms. Blah Blah. I figured considering her age, she would probably prefer Mrs., and that's what I used.

But for couples, who are John and Linda Smith, when I am writing them a letter telling them their estate planning file is closed, and I have to address Mr. and Mrs. Smith - ugh. I just want to vomit. But Mr. and Ms. Smith looks weird.

I dunno. It is not particularly important. And most of my important clients are getting divorced anyway, so I feel like the default to Ms. is appreciated. It's just these dumb, one-off people that get me all in a tizzy.

Cellmate, 12 years older than I am, thinks it is insulting to be addressed as Ms. by people who know she is married. She thinks it is the difference between "our generations," though she isn't THAT much older than me, maybe she's right.

I also agonzied abotu becoming Mrs. Husband instead of keeping my birth name. I finally decided the annoyance of people calling me teh "wrong" name my whole life because of our children - teachers would assume I was Mrs. Husband, as well as parents of friends, etc. - outweighed my preference to remain my birthname. And Husband really appreciated that I became Mrs. Husband. Weirdly, that was an important thing for him.

So maybe it is not a generational thing so much as it is a me thing.

Anyway... *prods file closing letters* *scowls*

Comments

[cocoajava.livejournal.com]

I don't like Mrs. either. In my brain, it carries old-old-school connotations of women losing their itentities as they are subsumed into a marriage, and that's not how my marriage works!

Ms. is fine to me. I recall when Ms. Magazine first came out and at that point in time it was a breath of fresh air. So I still carry that initial reaction to getting used to the word.

We do a lot of joking around at work, and basically everyone that's liked and long-term eventually becomes "Doctor". It's sorta an acceptance thing at MSU. Even if you're not a Ph.D., you can achieve the title of Doctor eventually! I've finally gotten there, a few months ago, much to my glee.

[alpha-strike.livejournal.com]

Mr. and Ms. may look odd, but I'm certain that it's socially correct. And if the people even notice and are unhappy about it, it can easily pass as a typo. Personally, I could care less whether it's Ms., Miss, Mrs., Mr., Master, or hey you.
Best Beloved goes by Mrs. Alpha Strike, but is legally still Ms. Beloved. And commonly known by the name she's published under. She was a little baffled that I didn't care whether she changed her name or not, or wanted us both to have a double-barreled hyphenated name, or wanted me to change my name to hers, or if we should just choose a new name altogether. I guess I don't really know what the fuss is about.

[rhodynne.livejournal.com]

I have two friends who just didn't bother becoming Mrs. Husband. Neither one of them really care about their last names being different.
>>I'm not suggesting you do, just that its a non-issue. :-) <<
One friend is a strong Christian and the LOLs in her church FREAKED and initially refused to call her by her name. But she got married later in life and her name is her...to her. Oh, you know what I mean.

Its also apparently very handy in identifying sales calls. :-)

p.s. I hate being addressed as Ms. I am an unmarried woman, I see nothing wrong in still being a Miss. ;-)

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Ms. There's too much cultural baggage attached to Mrs., mostly "I belong to this man and am not my own independent human being". Which we all know is rubbish, so why bother with it unless you have to?

If someone wants to have a fit about Ms. vs. Mrs. it's their problem.

rambly

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Additionally, I have problems with Miss, which have only come up in England when they insisted on putting MISS on my all my student ID stuff.

Now they call me Ms. but that's because I'm in the grad program and you really shouldn't call someone earning their MA in Fiction by the honorific of a twelve year old girl.

I really wish I could break out my gender neutral honorific more often. I figure once I get up in the world a little and can work in a place where people will just take it in stride.

I figure, when I get my PhD in the future, I can just be DOCTOR THANKYOUVERYMUCHSTOPLOOKINGATMYMALEPARTNERBECAUSEIAMTHEDOCTOR.

:D

[zats-clear.livejournal.com]

Honestly, at the great age of 40, I still do not feel old enough to be a "Mrs" (I took my husband's name happily and proudly...my maiden name was more common than dirt and my credit rating improved the moment the vows were complete by virtue of shedding the name) but more than that, I really really dislike MS. Hate to say it, but to me, it smacks of the man-hating, bra-burning feminazis of my youth. NOT everyone who uses Ms is like that. Those that were left a baaaaad taste in my mouth.

"Mr and Mrs Husband" is a family unit terminology. Not much help since you did say many of your clients were getting divorced! At any rate, the real answer: I typically skip the honorifics and go with John and Cindy Smith when corresponding. That is correct, not likely to offend and simple. Also, Mrs Cindy Smith is NOT correct, last I read. This is the appendage aspect of Mrs, where it is only correct as Mrs John Smith.

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

I am all about the Ms. But then, that is our age. Does office have some kind of client intake form, where they fill in name, address, etc.? Because most places that do business have check boxes where the client gets to check Mr., Miss, Ms., Mrs., Dr. before the name line -- so that their preference is on file.

[muck-a-luck.livejournal.com]

Hmmmmm. Your ideas intrigue me. Do you have a newsletter? I would like to subscribe... :D

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

I r a marketing speshulist. Pop in a quarter and watch me spout. ;-)