Bemused

[muck_a_luck]

So. We just stumbled upon and watched "Konoichi: Lady Ninja."

The lady ninjas received their powers as the movie went on.

The first ninja to receive her power received "Ninja magic: hair storm!" Yes, you guessed it, a killer pony tail!!!!

But, it gets better. Second ninja to get her power got "Ninja magic: nipple shock wave!" Nipple shock wave looked quite handy. But amusingly, after using it, the woman would kind of cover up in embarrassment, as if her boobs didn't just kick everyone's ass with their lightening bolts. If my boobs could do that, I'd never wear a top again. Maybe a cool beaded bra. Or just go around half naked.

However, when they revealed that this power was ninja magic: nipple shock wave! I said, "Ninjas should get together and sue this movie."

Husband said, "That's the problem with being a secret society..."

And just so you know, yes, they did.

The third woman got a power they coyly referred to as Ninja magic: rebound power or something like that. Basically, she sat on her ass, and lifted up her spread legs to gather all the nearby ninja powers (of the opposing ninjas, obviously) into her crotch, suck it into her vagina, then blast it out of her mouth.

These women had a male ninja master with them.

We were very, very afraid of what his ninja power would be.

One of the bad guys was a eunuch. Husband astutely says, "I wonder what this poor guy's power is."

A couple of women got killed off before we got to see thier unique powers. Husband thinks aloud, "They were probably glad they died before they found their special butt power."

Anyway, the CK Family Review of this movie - too fascinating to get up for a beverage. You might miss something. Better than Manos: Hands of Fate.

Comments

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

o.O

Did you get this from the section of the video store where the titles are like Supermanhood or Field of Creams or Do Hard?

Though I am now very tempted to do a photo manip of you in a skimpy beaded bra with nipple shock waves coming out.

One of the bad guys was a eunuch.

Obviously had run afoul of a Ninja magic: vagina dentata before.

Crack kills!

[muck-a-luck.livejournal.com]

It was some random thing on Showtime. *eyes Showtime*

[muck-a-luck.livejournal.com]

a photo manip of you

There will be no photo manips! If there are photo manips you will be locked out of all pictures for all time! Grrrr.

*scowls*

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I don't have a base photo of you suitable for beaded bra nipple wave action. I was going to try to cajole one out of you. *pout*

[cocoajava.livejournal.com]

Your review has me in gigglefits! Is this stuff anime? Cause if it is, the Caribou needs to know about it. He likes anime. *eyedart* And he likes boobies.

[muck-a-luck.livejournal.com]

Nope. Live action. There was a real actress acting like she had ninja magic nipple shock wave... What a think to have on your resume. Better than real porn, I guess, though this movie had about as much plot as a porno, and there was plenty of "peril," if you know what I mean...

[cocoajava.livejournal.com]

Wow. Live Action? Ken may actually tear holes in the driveway racing out to get this, once I clue him in.

I fear! I am in plenty of peril!!!

[caribouken.livejournal.com]

Your description of this movie combined with my natural male curiousity about "Nipple Shock Waves" compells me to watch this movie when Showtime Extreme airs it again next week (times are Eastern).

Kunoichi: Lady Ninja (1998)
Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:50pm Showtime Extreme
Fri Jan 19, 2007 01:45am Showtime Extreme

BTW, there's a good reason for any confusion you might have experienced while watching this movie:

The seventh in the series, it's the first, and I believe sole entry...to get Western distribution so far, and boy, it shows. I can only presume it makes sense if you've seen the other six, because it sure as hell doesn't on its own. A group of seven nuns decide to take revenge for an attack on their convent by becoming ninjas, and acquiring skills like "Nipple Shock Wave". Which is exactly what it sounds like, even if most of the actual arterial violence is carried out by their ally, a one-eyed swordsman called Yagyu Jubei (Ozawa). - from GirlsWithGuns.org

Note: Hitoshi Ozawa, who plays Jubei, also directed this movie.

[muck-a-luck.livejournal.com]

Ha! Interesting! Yes! Go to Shotime Extreme!

Husband recently added Shotime back onto our cable package. He said, "This is the joy of Shotime. You'd never see anything this spastic on HBO."

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Ah, leave it to Ken to find this stuff out for us. :D

[paradisacorbasi.livejournal.com]

@set me =DVRing

[lots42.livejournal.com]

I like to show ladies my one-eyed swordsman.

[muck-a-luck.livejournal.com]

Perhaps someone should mention it to nsingman.

[cocoajava.livejournal.com]

I am going to bring Noah over here! :D

[nsingman.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly! Lori was kind enough to point this out to me, and I am in her and your debt. And I must also thank the Antlered One, of course, who found the next showing.

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Sounds a lot like anime porn.

Not that I would *know* or anything.

Erhem.

This looks worse than it is. It was a birthday gift from an old friend who likes to give me bizarre gifts that are so crappy, they become great by novelty of their crapiness.

[muck-a-luck.livejournal.com]

I think I remember the anime porn of fabulous crapiness from a previous conversation! Don't worry, we don't hold your porn collection against you! :D Dang, two-thirds of my friends page is porn on a good day!

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Oh good. Considering it's the only film really in my porn collection. I don't much like porn flicks. Too many are made for straight dudes.

Even my anime thing. It's twisted.

[paradisacorbasi.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of Lady Terminator (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/lady_terminator/), who got her powers through a vagina dagger. She kept it up there until she needed it, and if any man had sex with her who wasn't up to her standards, the vagina dagger would make him a man no more.

I kid you not.

Asian cinema -- crack, man. Big scary crack.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

The showing of nipples involves a whole lot of paperwork, money bonuses and such. Every second of booby is counted and costs. So she was probably told to cover up.