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Sep. 17th, 2004 12:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
muck_a_luckGacked from my coworker, Carmen.
The very last statement is absolutely the most true. I don't know much about Maryland, being a resident of Fairfax County, myself, but it made me laugh.
Rules of the Road in the Washington D.C. metro area
First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or "the District". Only tourists call it Washington.
Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete.
If in Loudoun or Fairfax County an; you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 "picture" you will receive courtesy of DMV. (However, if you don't go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages, none of them English.)
Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper and milk.
Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate," but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opening in the 60's, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section which is even more confusing.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Takoma Park".
If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist.
On the Beltway, we will be speeding along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!! The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy. The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect points as you go.
The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the "slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat" lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All mini-vans have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.
If it's 10 degrees, it's Orioles' opening day. If it's 110 degrees, it's the Skins opening day.
If the humidity is 90+ and the temperature is 90+, then it's May, June, July, August and sometimes September.
The very last statement is absolutely the most true. I don't know much about Maryland, being a resident of Fairfax County, myself, but it made me laugh.
Rules of the Road in the Washington D.C. metro area
First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or "the District". Only tourists call it Washington.
Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete.
If in Loudoun or Fairfax County an; you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 "picture" you will receive courtesy of DMV. (However, if you don't go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages, none of them English.)
Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper and milk.
Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate," but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opening in the 60's, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section which is even more confusing.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Takoma Park".
If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist.
On the Beltway, we will be speeding along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!! The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy. The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect points as you go.
The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the "slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat" lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All mini-vans have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.
If it's 10 degrees, it's Orioles' opening day. If it's 110 degrees, it's the Skins opening day.
If the humidity is 90+ and the temperature is 90+, then it's May, June, July, August and sometimes September.
