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Benefits and risks of marriage
May. 20th, 2010 10:09 amThere are many benefits of marriage. Two people can better afford a bigger home, more children. Health care for a family is cheaper than for several individuals, and one member of the family can provide health care for the rest. Two people working provides insurance against job loss by one spouse. Health of married people is better throughout life, becuase the spouses take care of each other. Single, divorced and widowed people generally die younger.
But, at least in Virginia, there are a couple of big risks in marriage.
One is, you are screwed if your spouse developes severe mental illness.
The state won't let you just throw your crazy spouse out into the street without support. It doesn't matter that they have lost the ability to be a partner in a marriage relationship. It doesn't matter that having the person in your home might actually be dangerous to you or your children, and that life with the person has become a living hell. It doesn't matter that your spouse is suffering from paranoia and part of the disease is a refusal to "take pills" which to their minds are actually poisons. So the person will be difficult and impossible to treat, and through their own actions might remain ill, despite the availability of drugs that could mitigate their symptoms.
If the mental illness makes the person unemployable, even if you divorce this person, in Virginia, the state holds you responsible for their financial support. The state doesn't just say, our bad, we'll take over, off you go. Nor does the state allow this person, unemployable through illness, to be left at the mercy of the world with no means of support. So the "innocent spouse" in this scenario is on the hook, often liable for lifetime alimony - yes until thier own death (or death or remarriage of the other spouse) - of the crazy spouse.
It seems unfair and is very frustrating for the innocent spouse and the people who love them, for them to be faced with this long-term burden and responsibility. But that's the nature of divorce law in Virginia. There are certain risks of getting married, and one is that you may be tied to someone forever, no matter how untenable that tie would seem to a reasonable person. This is one of the last remaining ways that marriage can be "until death."
To those who are frustrated, I guess I could remind them of the bad old days when it was nearly impossible to get a divorce unless you could prove infidelity. At least now people who need to leave a marriage can, with relatively few legal obstructions.
But, at least in Virginia, there are a couple of big risks in marriage.
One is, you are screwed if your spouse developes severe mental illness.
The state won't let you just throw your crazy spouse out into the street without support. It doesn't matter that they have lost the ability to be a partner in a marriage relationship. It doesn't matter that having the person in your home might actually be dangerous to you or your children, and that life with the person has become a living hell. It doesn't matter that your spouse is suffering from paranoia and part of the disease is a refusal to "take pills" which to their minds are actually poisons. So the person will be difficult and impossible to treat, and through their own actions might remain ill, despite the availability of drugs that could mitigate their symptoms.
If the mental illness makes the person unemployable, even if you divorce this person, in Virginia, the state holds you responsible for their financial support. The state doesn't just say, our bad, we'll take over, off you go. Nor does the state allow this person, unemployable through illness, to be left at the mercy of the world with no means of support. So the "innocent spouse" in this scenario is on the hook, often liable for lifetime alimony - yes until thier own death (or death or remarriage of the other spouse) - of the crazy spouse.
It seems unfair and is very frustrating for the innocent spouse and the people who love them, for them to be faced with this long-term burden and responsibility. But that's the nature of divorce law in Virginia. There are certain risks of getting married, and one is that you may be tied to someone forever, no matter how untenable that tie would seem to a reasonable person. This is one of the last remaining ways that marriage can be "until death."
To those who are frustrated, I guess I could remind them of the bad old days when it was nearly impossible to get a divorce unless you could prove infidelity. At least now people who need to leave a marriage can, with relatively few legal obstructions.
